


What am I supposed to do( when the best part of me was always you)

by sequinnox



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Daisuga(mentioned), Drabble, Eh I tried, Fluff, I mean, I suppose it could be called fluff, KageHina - Freeform, Kageyama Tobio-centric, M/M, May be a bit OOC, Meeting Again, One Shot, Ten Years Later, Tsukishima Kei(mentioned) - Freeform, Yamaguchi Tadashi(mentioned) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-15 13:02:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20866676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sequinnox/pseuds/sequinnox
Summary: "For the first time, while sitting alone in the living room of Hinata’s flat, did it cross Kageyama’s mind that Hinata might have a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend for that matter. Kageyama didn’t know how he felt about that, but it was definitely not his place to ask or have an opinion about it; Tobio has dated a bit in college, but it had died down quickly. Either they didn’t understand Tobio’s passion for the sport, or he simply didn’t have time for a relationship; and there were no sparks, not like volleyball sent fire through his veins. It was, not like that, though he wished it could be. Sometimes, he felt like his entire life was made of ‘could be’s."





	What am I supposed to do( when the best part of me was always you)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, guys! First work in a pretty long time, so yeah. You can find me on tumblr too ^^  
Unbeta-ed( pointing out mistakes is welcome )

Ten years. It’d been ten years since he’s seen his mates from the Karasuno Highschool team, getting scouted and starting his professional volleyball career. And now he was chickening out. Badly.

Kageyama slapped himself mentally, in a desperate effort to rid himself of the anxiety. The teammates have been a second family, since it was needless to say that the countless hours of practice made them bond with each other( Tsukishima could almost be considered decent, after all), yet Kageyama didn’t know how we managed to lose all of that in the span of a few months. Sugawara and Daichi ended up together by the time they graduated, Nishinoya and Asahi, who moved in with Tanaka during college, were still dancing around each other and their feelings, Yamaguchi and the goddamned spam that flooded every group chat that included him, and then there was Hinata.

Hinata.

The boy with the flames, with his huge jumps and even bigger dreams, and his stupid shiny eyes. Once, they had been dubbed the ‘Freak Duo’, with the ‘Freak Quick’, and, to be completely fair, they were freaks, so the title fit just fine. Kageyama had never felt so in sync with anybody before( or after), and Hinata trusted him so thoroughly, so devotedly, jumping with his eyes closed, like a dumbass, with that careless demeanor of his. Yes, Kageyama had the skill, but Hinata had been the core of it all, tying them together in his own way. Wordlessly, they pulled and pushed each other beyond the limits.

And Kageyama could be damned if he did not miss that.

They had received their admission letters the same day. And while generally quiet and indifferent, Kageyama let himself smile for once, though it felt foreign and strange, turning to face the middle-blocker, when he noticed the creamy crumpled piece of paper on the ground, and the bitter smile of Hinata, who was trying hard to hold back the tears streaming down his face. His application had been rejected– his dream of getting on the Olympic team, of them making it together, was shattered in just a few seconds, and now he was left to gather all the pieces of himself that were scattered on the gym floor.

Not much followed. The entire team congratulated Kageyama, and at first everything looked like it was going to be okay; the first few months were almost like they didn’t even part ways, though it was clear that something was missing. And then Kageyama had more and more practices to attend, and the guys had their own issues to take care of, until the group was left untouched for days, weeks even, until Yamaguchi tried to revive it with a meme, getting a few laughing emojis before going back to its slumber.

Now that Kageyama thought about it, it was kind of sad that their story ended like that, when they had thought they were untouchable.

And that was probably what Suga thought too, since he invited them all to a meeting at a small restaurant back in their prefecture during the winter break. Kageyama had spent the entirety of the 3-hour train ride thinking about the stupidest things, such as his schedule or not ruining his strict diet( which meant, how many milk boxes could he drink before he threw up and ruined a perfectly innocuous pair of volleyball shoes. Again.). Still, the second he set foot back in Miyagi, he felt completely overwhelmed. Among old places and new people, Kageyama felt both like he was coming home and like he was a complete stranger.

***

It was funny, really. After his mother had died, Kageyama didn’t exactly want to return back home for more than just to attend the funeral, though he still remembered all the small details of this cold house that he had called home for so long, like the small click of the door unlocking, the crooked mat at the entrance, or the tiny spot on the ceiling near the door, that he had made when he was younger, and let’s just say that playing volleyball in the house was not the best idea. He remembered praying to all of the existent and non-existent gods that his mother wouldn’t find out.

He opened the windows and visited his old room, left untouched save for the few dirty clothes that were not there anymore, and had not been for a long time. The posters, the volley balls, the blanket, all were exactly where’d left them. Kageyama felt a pang of sadness pulling at his heartstrings, but tried to ignore it and left quickly. He came here to have a good time, after all.

There was still a lot of time left until the meeting, which was strategically scheduled at 7, leaving him aimless and anxious. Kageyama didn’t know what happened to him that changed him so much– he remembered Asahi being anxious in highschool, of course, but that boy was too nice for his own good. A ruthless ace, but such a gentle giant; Kageyama liked Asahi, though he was usually awkward around the older boy, so observing from afar was a pretty common occurrence, unless there was someone to help him ease into conversation. Hinata was always there, anyway, easy to talk to and friendly like an overly excited puppy, the dumbass.

Kageyama kicked a pebble with his foot, noticing that the white of his sneakers was not exactly white anymore. He remembered the times when he and Hinata rushed to the gym, or to school, or everywhere really, and the team betting on who would win. Kageyama, of course, he had longer legs; though Hinata and his otherworldly athleticism managed to keep up. They were always in sync, even when doing… less… intelligent things. Though it was completely not Kageyama’s fault that the dumbass lost his footing and fell and almost broke his arm!

It hadn’t snowed yet, though the air was cold and crisp, and Kageyama’s breath floated like a small warm cloud before disappearing. He was aimlessly wandering, remembering the times he used to have snowball fights with the Karasuno team, making snow forts and teaming up; it had been fun. Him and Hinata were always a team, with Kageyama’s accuracy turning him into a sniper of sorts and Hinata jumping around like a target and stealing other’s snowballs, his red eyebrows coated in snowflakes. The guardian deity of Karasuno was dodging the little projectiles with a certain grace, though Asahi always ended up getting hit. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, so he didn’t really throw any snowball( and when he finally did, he landed a headshot on a completely unaware Kageyama, who was minding his own business, and could not bring himself to snap at the profoundly apologetic boy, while Nishinoya was laughing so hard, tears were streaming down his face). Tsukishima usually followed Yamaguchi around, and if the latter wanted to participate, then he would use all the spite he could gather like a not-so-secret secret weapon. And then there were Suga, Daichi and Ennoshita, who were either placing bets, or totally destroying the competition. Those three were beasts, damn. And then Tanaka was making some snow figures supposed to resemble Shimizu, but… no. Just no.

Kageyama let out a breathy laugh and pulled his coat closer. He was playing on the national team now, the best of the best. And yet, he could never really get that close to them, with the team always changing; Oikawa has been a part of the national team too, at some point, before his injuries got too severe and he had to retire early. Still, when the setter left the gym hand in hand with Iwaizumi, who always patiently awaited him, watching Oikawa from the sidelines with that gleam in his eye, Kageyama realized that Oikawa’s life didn’t revolve around volleyball, not anymore. Or had it ever? Kageyama didn’t know; he didn’t pay attention, always focusing on his own skills, wasting time feeling inferior to the cocky setter instead of actually seeing what was in front of him. It was a known fact that he, Kageyama Tobio, totally and completely sucked at making friends. It was often when he asked himself what would Hinata do if he were there.

But he wasn’t. And Kageyama couldn’t even manage to keep in touch with the fiery boy. Pathetic. How could he even claim to miss Hinata if he never managed to keep him close? It was like trying to catch mist with bare hands, hanging on to an illusion. Maybe the redhead had secretly hated him too, like his middle-school teammates, who left him alone on the court. A king with no people is no king at all, and then, he had been just a fancy fool. Maybe Hinata never forgave him.

It shouldn’t affect him, not now, after so much time, though it did anyway. It was almost five and people were getting off from work, and the streets were suddenly filled with people rushing somewhere, going in and out of the small café’s and shops who spread a warm light on the sidewalk. When he was little, he loved all the colorful lights that surrounded him and his little world, until he started growing and paying less attention to that kind of thing. For a supposed genius, he could be pretty dumb sometimes.

Had the buildings always been so glum? Even with the Christmas lights and decorations, the entire prefecture seemed… unmoving? Something seemed to be off, but Kageyama could not pin point exactly what. Eh, it was probably just him.

“Kageyama? Kageyaaaamaaaaa!”

Someone called for him, and the setter turned around, just to see the small ball of energy that was once his other half. Hinata was standing there, right in front of him, with his messy hair sticking out everywhere( Kageyama noted that he changed his haircut, though he supposed it’s been long enough; it suited him), his scarf wrapped carelessly around his neck and his coat left open, revealing a green t-shirt, probably from work. Hinata had definitely grown a few centimeters since they had last seen each other, probably reaching 170cm now, his body lean and strong, now a young man, his features sharper, though still having that childish edge. And then there were his eyes, brown and huge and starry and regarding him curiously.

“Thank god it was you, else it would have been really embarrassing.” Hinata scratched his head awkwardly, still looking at Kageyama. Oh. Yes, he was supposed to say something.

“ Hinata, hey. Long time no see.” Kageyama smiled awkwardly, but it felt strange and his face stretched oddly, so he probably looked stupid. Damn. Hinata didn’t seem to notice, and if he did, thankfully he didn’t say a thing. There was some tension between the two of them, a tension that was not there before, like they were trying to walk on a slippery floor and meet in the middle.

“Fancy seeing you here. I just got off work and wanted to go home and change, d’you wanna come with? I promise it won’t be long, my flat is not far from here, and then we could meet with the guys.” Kageyama nodded, and somehow he realized that the thought of Hinata living alone hadn’t occurred to him before, though it made perfect sense, and Kageyama wondered how was his little sister, Natsu.

“ Oh, she is playing volleyball at college level, though it’s more of a hobby now. She’s taken accounting.” Hinata responded, and Kageyama was mortified upon the realization that he spoke outloud. He probably made a face and Hinata laughed, heartily and loudly and with that inherent honesty that he always had, and it was almost like they never parted ways, almost like they were still friends.

Hinata’s flat was indeed close, and he invited Kageyama inside, since it was too cold outside to just leave him waiting outside. Kageyama agreed, although still a bit nervous. He watched the nimble hands of the young man in front of him unlock the door and walk him inside.

Hinata’s flat was small, smaller than his own, but there was a familiar, cozy feeling to it, the cluster of things everywhere reflecting Hinata’s personality, filled to the brim with all the good things. Hinata grinned sheepishly, apologizing for the mess, before darting in the bedroom to get changed. On their way here, Hinata gave him a small debriefing on their ex-teammates’ whereabouts, though Hinata himself kept in touch with Suga mostly, and he and Daichi got engaged recently, wanting to announce it properly during their dinner. Hinata found them cute together, and it was kind of to be expected that they would make it.

For the first time, while sitting alone in the living room of Hinata’s flat, did it cross Kageyama’s mind that Hinata might have a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend for that matter. Kageyama didn’t know how he felt about that, but it was definitely not his place to ask or have an opinion about it; Tobio has dated a bit in college, but it had died down quickly. Either they didn’t understand Tobio’s passion for the sport, or he simply didn’t have time for a relationship; and there were no sparks, not like volleyball sent fire through his veins. It was, not like that, though he wished it could be. Sometimes, he felt like his entire life was made of ‘could be’s.

Though, when Hinata came back a few moments later, a black t-shirt hanging loosely from his shoulders, the paleness of his skin, dusted with subtle constellations of freckles, the elegant arch of his neck, the sharpness of his jaw, the playful sparkle in his eyes, all these made Kageyama’s heart pound a bit heavier in his chest. He had never actually seen how objectively beautiful Hinata was, though they had spent every day together, either practicing together, or eating together, or competing together. All of a sudden, though, like looking through a dirty mirror, Kageyama remembered all the lingering touches, the stolen glances, the words that he never got to say and covered quickly with a half-assed ‘dumbass’. They were teenagers back then, and did not know any better, best friends until the end of the world.

The dim light from the huge windows danced across Hinata’s cheekbones, traffic lights painting the shadows red, and yellow and green, and Hinata’s hair seemed so, so soft.

And then, the redhead smiled just as soft, as if to say ‘I missed you’. He didn’t, though.

“Shall we go now? I am sorry you had to wait for so long...”

Kageyama remained silent, though he shrugged his shoulders. He would give anything to stay there, and just, talk. About everything and nothing. They had to go, though, and after all, they had become strangers.

Kageyama wishes they didn’t, and, in the curve of his reddish eyelashes, in the secrecy of the dark irises, Kageyama could read a future that never got the chance to happen. Maybe it was too late, maybe he fucked up too much.

But when Hinata turned to him, waiting patiently, jokingly calling him dumbass, Tobio thought that maybe it was not.


End file.
